Stretching Out The Magic

Okay, I’ll try and keep this short (ish), because I know what everyone is up to this week. I too am feeling the seasonal pressure. My shoulders are stuck up around the level of my ears, and I have to do lists on heavy rotation in my head. This is after I’ve made great efforts to pare down the hullaballoo and simplify what I do this time of year. Try as I might, I can’t seem to rearrange my life and my schedule enough to not spend December running around in a panic, feeling like I’m not doing enough, and inevitably berating myself because I just don’t have that “holiday feeling”. Add to the giant frazzle the fact that at the moment, there are things going on in the world that that no amount of glitter and sprinkles can mask.

In the end, it tends to be anticlimactic, doesn’t it? About five minutes after all the presents are opened and a meal has been shared, or the minute my eyes pop open on January first, it’s there like a fuzzy, grey coating. It’s the realization that there is no such thing as trying hard enough this time of year. It all expands to fill whatever space you try to carve out for yourself.

This year, I’m refusing to mourn the lack of magic. No, I’m not lowering my expectations, I’m just going to redistribute them.

I’m not sure if there’s a reason I can’t save a little (or a lot) for Lunar New Year, Valentine’s Day, Halloween, or the like. I can patiently dole out my enthusiasm and effort a little bit at a time, in a way that is more celebratory than exhausting.

There are an awful lot of holidays that deserve attention. I want to marvel at other people’s special days too. It’s downright impressive, the number of ways we humans have come up with to make merry.

I won’t wait for a holiday to supercharge my celebrations either. There’s no reason why I shouldn’t be expecting joy and wonder in the change of seasons (where I live, spring is downright euphoric, and fall is awe-inspiring). I am lucky enough to have a multitude of opportunities to celebrate achievements, connections, and beginnings and endings of all sorts. I will most definitely be jumping up and down at any step forward we make into healing and learning as a collective.

Henceforth, I will endeavour to see holidays as I would public transit: if I miss one, there will be another along in a bit. Even if it doesn’t take me exactly where I need/want to go, it’ll get me closer to joy than I was before, maybe somewhere new and exciting.

This December, I still baked, and put up lights, and wrapped gifts, and that’s fine. I will still do fun, off-routine things in the coming weeks to celebrate the season. But I’m also going to try and refuse to feel inadequate when I turn out to be a little more Grinch than Santa, when I’d rather take a nap than party, and when a special day feels like just another day. I’ll get another shot at “that magical feeling” soon. I’ll get a lot of them, actually.

Happy whatever, whenever, gentle readers. Please don’t sweat it.